i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
