just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize