Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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