I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
