Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Your dad touched me again.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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