I'm drive I can fine osifer
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
