guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
