Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
