broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
