Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
