He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
