Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
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