the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
