she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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