there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
