So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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