I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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