I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
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I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
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by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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