also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
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i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
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I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
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