On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
