Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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