So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
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i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
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I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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