3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
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