It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
no you cant smoke seaweed
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
