You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
