He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
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