Jerry, you need to find god
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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