your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
