belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
My breasts were aching with rage.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
