And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
