on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
