Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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