Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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