Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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