wake up i wanna do it froggy style
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
