About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
