i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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