Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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