feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
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dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
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I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?