i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
