Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
