How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
