Me too!
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
