last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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