She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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