you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
