dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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