Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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