all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
