So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
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She's like a pop up book from hell.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
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If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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