sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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