Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You are a genius and a whore.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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