Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
