I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
