My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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