saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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