Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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