first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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