I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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