he puts the penis in happiness.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
