I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
