evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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