Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
