Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
