i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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