1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
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So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
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Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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