so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
