Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize