Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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