do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
