my mouth tastes like poor choices
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
No subtext here. People are naked.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
