We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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