I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
