I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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