were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
