You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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