You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
