peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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