I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
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And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
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omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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