enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
