3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
