If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
