brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
