And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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